Ainsley’s Story

“I moved [my dad] from Virginia to an assisted living community in Charleston, to be closer to me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but it was growing dangerous for him to live alone. 

I naively thought that the assisted living community would provide great activities in which he would participate. I was so very wrong. He does not think he has dementia, and he dedicated his time to trying to distance himself from "all the old people monopolizing this hotel." This led to exit-seeking and wandering behavior, and the assisted living community insisted he be moved to the secure memory care area for his own safety.  

I could write a book about how awful that transition was, in part because the community's default technique for dealing with dementia patients turned out to be heavy narcotics. This was probably among the lowest experiences in my entire life, watching them drug my dad into submission at a place that I blamed myself for choosing for him. I couldn't get him out of there fast enough, but everywhere had a waiting list. I couldn't move him to my house, because I have 3 children, two dogs, and a demanding full-time job.  

It was a terrible time, and in the midst of it — I found Cove. Cove immediately stepped in to help me, seeing the problem and helping to find solutions to it. At first I was skeptical: Cove was the 4th "sitter service" I'd tried for my dad. Every other service had provided nothing more than a warm body to sit with my dad while they scrolled on their phone. Yes, he was "safe" under the care of other services, but there was no interaction, and he resented their presence—feeling like he was being babysat.  

Cove was instantly different. They sent an upbeat, pleasant, competent, educated person who arrived with the purpose of engaging my dad. Cove's care partners don't dress in scrubs—and they don't act like sitters. They behave like peers. Like friends. Like the best Montessori teacher my children ever had. Cove came up with a plan to get my dad out and about several times a week. They took him to places that lit up his body and his mind: the aquarium, a history museum, the animal shelter, the ice cream parlor, the park. The change in him was recognizable, and such a relief. Cove was doing all the things that I mentally beat myself up for not having time to do. When he got off the waitlist and into another memory care community, Cove was immeasurably helpful with the transition—providing a familiar constant and continuation of his favorite regular outings.  

Cove (and Rylee Pellegrino in particular) has been (and is) hugely supportive of not just my dad but of me, partnering with me with good ideas and a vision to help my dad. This support from Rylee is worth its weight in gold, because until I found her, I had felt so alone in bearing the burden of caring for my dad (my only sibling lives in Dubai). Since hiring Cove, I have felt a massive weight lift, and only now that it is lifting do I really recognize what a huge burden and responsibility it was to be solely responsible for the care of a parent who cannot be saved from his disease. This sounds dramatic, and I am not a dramatic person. But it is 100% true.

Cove is an investment. It costs more than other services — but those other services are not even comparable. I started off using Cove 10 hours a week, and I am now up to 40 and planning on moving up to 80. My dad worked hard his whole life, and he was too wonderful of a father for me to think it's okay to station him in front of a tv and let his years play out. He deserves meaning, purpose, and interaction. I can't provide those things to him all the time. It only makes sense to hire a team of people who can, and who are enriching his life daily. If he is the equivalent of a 7-year-old child, then at least let him be a child at the most wonderful school I could ever find.  

I know how very hard it is to have a parent with dementia, and I want you to know that Cove is a lifeline you should not hesitate to grab.”